Disappointment brings up a whole cacophony of emotions. Anger, sorrow, fear… each one twisting around inside of you like a wrestling match for control of your inner psyche.
I’ve had to deal with disappointment quite a lot this year, and last week brought some more to my doorstep. A few months ago I chose to reestablish a relationship with my ex-fiancé Ellen. I ignored all of my better judgment, hoped for a miracle, and on Thursday got burned to a brittle crisp.
It’s been over a month since my last blog post. During that time I’d been working on a post that, while started with good intentions, got too buried within its own subject matter. Work and family was more of the focus over the last five weeks, and some personal issues kept shattering my focus on the material I had set out to create. In the end, I decided to table the post and just write something here more “stream of consciousness”.
Lately, it’s been one day at a time for me. Life got quite a bit smaller after losing both my cat and my girlfriend of 2 ½ years simultaneously. Other issues happened at about the same time both personally and professionally that, all taken together, knocked me down several rungs of the ladder. If I truly believed in luck, I would have concluded that I’ve had nothing but a bad run of it since New Year’s Day. So I make it through each day by sticking with my recently developed routines and dealing with each day’s challenges as they come.
One of the things I want to accomplish with my blog is to really start opening up about myself. I have spent all of my life feeling misunderstood… by not only the people I interact with, but even friends and family. I have been alive now for almost half a CENTURY, and yet I feel like I have not done enough to define to the world who I am, what I believe in, and what I stand for.
I could let it all pour out right now and write my entire autobiography here, but not only would it take quite a while to write, it would also be an unbearably long and boring read.
So what I am going to do is, every so often, I am going to make a post that focuses on one facet of me. One part of who I am. A slice of me that’s a little more digestible in one sitting. Over time, the individual pieces taken together should make a fair representation of me… or at least that is my hope.
So for this inaugural entry I will start with an easy and obvious one: I am an introvert.
