The end of December is a time of introspection for many of us, on both a personal level and also of the world at large.  We look at all our wonderful times of the past year: the accomplishments we made, the places and events we experienced, and the magnificent people we’ve shared them all with.  We also throw a cautious glance at the moments that were not as wonderful – the painful instances and losses we had to endure –  in the hopes that there was some significance to the suffering.  We then take our pencils out and start jotting down our new “resolutions”… what we will do more of, do less of, or simply do better in the coming year ahead.

This past year was a difficult one for me.  Everything seemed like it was going so well as the year began.  So many of the goals I had set out for myself those decades past were finally falling in line.  I felt relaxed; I felt happy.  I was ready to tackle the world…. THIS WOULD BE MY YEAR.

Then, one by one, I watched everything dissolve in front of my eyes.  The business partner bowed out.  My cat passed away.  My long-term relationship ended.  All within the first two months.  Suddenly, 2015 became all about merely coping and recovering.  The world apparently had tackled me, instead.

It’s not like I haven’t had difficult years before.  2011 also brought its share of major troubles, and previous years before that have been up and down.  Each time I would slowly clamber back to my feet and start taking steps forward again… at least until the next disaster knocked me on my back once more.

2015 was unique, though.  In many ways, I picked myself up differently this time.  And the steps I am taking are on a slightly different trajectory.

Perhaps I am finally learning from my mistakes… or perhaps at 47 years old I am finally getting tired of doing the same bullshit routines I have followed for most of my life.  I grow weary of all the ambiguity that makes up the person that I am, the things that I believe, and the objectives of my hard-earned sweat.

What I want now most of all is FOCUS.

So, to that end, I present myself with the following “resolutions” for next year, and from now on:

1. To put the bulk of my concentration into creating something that will evolve into a legacy, something of true value that will be meaningful above and beyond my own finite existence.

2. To better identify those individuals and ideas who deserve my attention and affection… and more readily distance myself from those who don’t.

3. To sharpen and refine the principles that I believe in and follow, and yet leave room for further illumination by others.

4. To exercise and explore with both body and mind the wonders of this world and of existence.

5. To never, EVER allow self-loathing and doubt to hold me back from following the preceding four resolutions EVER AGAIN.

My wishes to all for a wonderful 2016!